Till I see you again I darling...
SEIN!
MY SOULMATE, MY “SUPER-MOTHER-HEN”, MY PROVIDER, MY LOVER, MY ONLY FRIEND FOR A PERIOD IN MY LIFE, OLOWO-ORI MI, MY COVER OF OVER 22 YEARS...
I have known you longer than I haven’t known you. Though you have given up your earthly garment, you will always be You – an immortal spirit, my husband, the father of our sons, a dearly loved child of the Most High God.
Right from the very first day that we met, you have always looked out for my well-being, even to your own possible detriment. I took ill a few days after we met and you looked after me like a mother would look after her child, you cared for me and nursed me back to health. We inevitably became friends and months later, we started dating.
Once we started dating, your family accepted me as their daughter and you became a son in mine. “Egbone” became a household name in my immediate and extended family. Everyone found you selfless, amiable, helpful and always the soul of the party! You brought light, love and laughter to all our gatherings. You genuinely loved people, loved entertaining and loved being entertained!
You left me in Nigeria to progress your career here in the UK but you always travelled back to check on me. In the days before mobile phones, you still managed to call every single day; several times a day, just to check on me, so much that all my work colleagues became our “secretaries”, always joking that “our husband is on the phoneJ” – even before we got married. Such was your commitment and consistency! Every staff member, right down to the security staff knew and loved you. No one was beneath you, you always treated everyone with respect.
We got married in November 2000 and you simply carried on being you – loving me, loving your sons when they eventually came along, having more love left over for every family member on both sides and “mothering” every single person. It didn’t matter if they were older or younger than you, you had to be certain that everyone was okay. You supported and encouraged everyone as best as you could. You loved me your own way – I never doubted that, you were extremely proud of your sons and you loved life. You were not at all shy and you knew what you wanted – always! You were a sort of rebelJ on many fronts, sometimes short-fused, but even quicker to make amends. You allowed me! Sein – you allowed me; and I am truly grateful for that. You encouraged me, supported me, pushed me even if / when you wouldn’t dare and gave me the confidence to step out and take risks, knowing that you had my back.
As a family, you provided for us – always. You took great pride in doing that. You are your sons’ greatest cheer leaders – we always joked about you “soaking in” their achievements. It gave you so much joy! And you never wanted to ‘containerise’ them. Whatever their gifting, you celebrated and encouraged them along. You were a familiar figure on the fields of Olutoni’s school every Sunday, cheering him on in his games – often going without me as I was too lazy to come along. I wasn’t even known in Toluwani’s breakfast and afterschool clubs until you went to Nigeria last November, as it became apparent that his “ever smiling” dad was away on a trip.
How do I even begin to imagine planning a trip without you? You navigated all the protocols – even those of our dear native country (which is not for the faint-hearted) with ease. Your only demand was that we stood by and let you handle it. Ola mi – you were such a blessing!
You are the most hardworking man that I have ever met. I often had to prise you away from work and had to give you an ultimatum to slow down a few years ago. It wasn’t for love of money; it was more for love of the people you served. Your clientele always commented on how much time and attention you gave to them and this is evidenced by the several awards in this regard from the company you worked for. You were a constant figure at my extended family gatherings – most times, attending alone to represent us; travelling to Nigeria on occasions even. And there were many of such parties. You simply adopted my family as yours.
In our 20 years of marriage, you did more than your fair share in the home; co-opting the boys in to help as well. I never got to wash a single baby bottle in the many years that our sons were bottle-fed and only changed nappies when you weren’t home. Up until the last few weeks of your life, you kept doing things around the house despite my objections. I won’t forget how you would admire your own face in the mirror, winking and flashing your dimples at me.
Your skin was dark, supple, beautiful, your hair even more so. We joked countless times about swapping those as a man doesn’t need great skin or hair. It’s hard to think I’ll never get to touch those or feel your strong grip over my hands. I’ll miss kissing your forehead or having you kiss mine. We’ll miss your strong voice in the house but it will always ring in our hearts.
Olaseindemi, we never discussed your demise. We simply trusted God for healing, even to the last moment. We held a vigil on Saturday 10-October, so the earthly finality of this cuts really deep and hurts terribly. I must however remain strong, for you held up strong, keeping your spirits up till the end. I will therefore do my best to honour your life and legacy. You were always straightforward, so I am clear on what you would want or wouldn’t want. I promise to do you proud! I am greatly comforted by the fact that you found God. You found Him, you knew Him, spent time with Him and found peace in Him. In your death, the love, support and prayers that we have been surrounded with, from friends – far and near, extended family, Church, the community, is beyond belief. I always called us “Hephzibah” but now more than ever, I know God truly delights in us.
Olaseindemi, Olamilekan, Olori-ebi, Omo-ose-paaro, Omo AlhajaJ - your mother finds comfort in how you lived your life, your legacy and the stories coming out from friends and families. You were and continue to be her shining star! The many stories she told me of you growing up speaks volumes of how proud of you she is.
Precious indeed in the sight of Almighty God is your death, for you are truly His and he has freed you from the chains of this life forever. There are no goodbyes for us – for you will always live in the quiet, peaceful places of our hearts. Rest on luvvie – though I think you’ll simply carry on being busy in heaven. Look out for us all, even better than you’ve always done, for we now have an angel in heaven that we know by name.
Olaseindemi, Olamilekan, Satar, omo Alaka – I love you now and I always will...
Always yours,
Olupeju Alaka